I have been wronged. It isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. Still, it hurts.
It happened by someone I love, admire, respect. And I can’t tell anyone, except my husband.
The best thing to do is to talk to the person who wronged me. But it’s not that simple. Relationships could be destroyed, and a bad situation made worse. Plus, I’m not certain they know what they have done.
Because that’s the way we are as humans. We forget to think before we speak, we blurt something out that hurts another. We do silly things like forget birthdays or miss appointments. We cause pain to one another.
It is in this moment I realize I am no different from anyone else. I have hurt people, forgotten events, ignored calls, said things I never meant.
I wonder how many times I have had to be forgiven. I’m guessing a lot.
So I’m thinking, maybe it’s best to let past hurts go, forgive the people who have wounded me, whether they meant to do it or not. Because if I don’t let it go, I hurt no one but me. I will build walls, destroy relationships, and possibly stop my heart from feeling again.
It sounds so simple to say ‘forgive.’ It sounds so simple to ‘let it go.’ But is it?
I remember a time, long ago, when someone hurt me. I lay awake at night, imagining what I’d say to that person if they were near. I stewed and tossed until my stomach became one big knot.
The person never knew. I let the relationship end, and they never knew why.
Even after they were out of my life, I couldn’t let it go. I remained bitter and unsettled over the incident, for years beyond.
The thing is, it kept me from future friendships, because the last thing I wanted was to be hurt again.
But I think I’ve finally grown up, become a tad wiser, and a lot more tired, because I no longer dwell on events that don’t matter. Relationships are too important, those in my current life, and those I’ve yet to meet.
I have realized:
We all make mistakes. We are such imperfect humans, filled with blemishes, lined with flaws. We say what we don’t mean, and do things we shouldn’t.
I am not better than anyone else. I have hurt others, and yet, I have been forgiven.
I can destroy a relationship, or build it. The choice is mine.
I’ve also realized that pain is the perfect teacher, reminding me to think before I speak, to act instead of react. It reminds me that we are all blemished beings, and we, myself included, will continue to make mistakes.
Mostly, I think hurt has helped me learn the power of simple forgiveness. To forgive with an unspoken grace. The same way I, too, have been forgiven.